by snaps » Tue Mar 02, 2010 10:21 pm
Viktoria drives me mad
Viktoria drives me mad. She is as dumb as a train. Sometimes she is like all the worst bits of Amal all glued up in the same person. I try sometimes but she just talks over me with her idiot stuff.
When she talks about boys is worst. She says ‘So do you think Erik really likes me. I mean really likes me or REALLY really likes me’ . I lie to her and say ‘I’m sure he really really really likes you’, then she’ll say ‘but do you think he REALLY really really likes me?’ For crying out loud, I just want to scream ‘NO! He doesn’t like you, he is just REALLY is THAT desperate, see?’ The worst is she won’t get the messsage she’ll then say ‘So Agnes, which boys do YOU really really like?’ I give up.
The worst thing is my big liberal Mamma who always tells everyone very loudly that Viktoria is my best friend. It embarrasses me, like Momma is really trying to make out how she well she has ‘brought me up’ to be a goody-goody like her. Huh. If she only she knew what her daughter was really like!
I wouldn’t mind Viktoria being so dumb if she wasn’t so miserable. I’m depressed before I even see her. One day I will put her out of her misery and push her on her wheelchair down the slope into the path of a train. I’ll then pretend to try and rescue her. Everyone will say it was sad (such hypocrites they’ll be glad she’s gone!) and how brave I was, and then everyone will like me. I’ll kill two birds with one stone.
The truth is I don’t hate Viktoria. But I don’t pity her either. I DON’T feel sorry for her. Why should I? NO-ONE feels sorry for ME! The fact is that I ENVY her!!!
If I was like her, in a wheelchair then at least everyone would give me a chance. I would be the opposite of her.
I would be rude to teachers and they wouldn’t DARE tell me off. I would be a rebel WITH a cause.
I would learn to tell jokes, LOTS of them, really well. They needn’t be good jokes, but I would do a wheelie in my wheelchair, spin round on one tyre as I deliver the punchline, BOOM BOOM! And everyone would like the fact that I made an effort. I would grow in confidence and tell even better jokes.
People at school would queue up to push me around the place. I would be so popular.
Best of all Elin would fight to be head of the queue. She would want to know my secret.
I would turn us into a double act. I would be the one that is supposed to be the dumbie but I would be the one with the smart wise-crack lines, and Elin would be the soft, silly clown-like one always in trouble. That is the secret joke. Elin is supposed to be MY carer, but it is ME who has to look out for her.
We would be famous. We WOULD get out of Amal, appear on STV then go global.
I can see it now.
The ELIN and AGNES Show, no even better, The AGNES and ELIN show.
WE would stay in the BEST hotels.
After the show ELIN would help me shower and put me to bed.
She would say ‘Agnes, I owe it ALL to YOU’ as she dries my hair.
I would say ‘No babe. Without YOU none of this would have happened!’
Elin would make her way to her own bed, turn round and then squidge up beside me.
WE would be Sooooooooo HAPPY!!!
Elin would say ‘We must do a memorial concert for Viktoria sometime’
I would say ‘Viktoria who?’