by DMt. » Tue Dec 13, 2011 8:12 pm
*
Camilla is conspicuous by her absence from class; at morning break, the news circulates that she is in hospital, that she was in a bad way this morning and an ambulance was called. An overdose is mentioned. Elin and the others are shocked, Camilla seems the last person you would expect this of. There is much talk of why and how. Nobody else attempts to insult or harass Elin, perhaps her girls put them off; after this news, and the episode at the gates, they are staying close by, in a mood to bite and kick anyone who would dare try to bother her.
Agnes is not out on the yard, she has chosen to stay in class for the quarter-hour intermission, but it is not long before she also hears the news, and despite her dislike of Camilla she feels a pang of remorse, of pity for the unhappy girl. [Surely nobody is that nasty unless they are miserable...Perhaps we can go and visit her in hospital after school...Would she take it as an insult, though, for me to turn up with Elin?...Am I a hypocrite?...I certainly never wanted her dead...]
*
The morning flies by, and soon lunchtime is here. After their huge breakfast, neither Agnes nor Elin is particularly hungry, but both are looking forward to meeting. Agnes goes to her locker to put away the morning's books, and sees that someone has scrawled 'DYKE' on the front, in thick marker; but also that someone else has carefully modified it, into 'DYKES are cool'. She looks around curiously, and a couple of people smile at her; she smiles back, and goes into the lunch room. She gets a cake and a cup of coffee, and makes her way to Elin's table.
Elin is confused and unhappy, she feels that in some obscure way Camilla's trouble has to do with her and Agnes. Even though Camilla has never shown her any actual affection, and quite often more than a little malice, she is without doubt one of their circle of friends, and Elin feels that she has let her down, has hurt her somehow. Jessica is trying to comfort her, urging her not to be silly, to get something to eat, but she won't. She is leaning on Jessica, her sister's arm around her, her hands loose in her lap.
Johan, and a somewhat sheepish and chastened Markus, are sitting at the next table, eating together but not talking much. Any time someone looks as though he might be thinking of making a snide crack in passing, they both give him heavy stares; but so far there have been only a couple of attempts, which have been quickly and silently quelled.
A chair has been kept free opposite Elin, the others indicate that it is for Agnes; she is warmed by the gesture, and smiles at them all, then looks thoughtfully at Jessica and Elin as she sits down. Jessica is still talking to Elin, in a low voice; Elin is shaking her head slowly. She smiles at Agnes briefly, as does Jessica, but then her gaze returns to the middle distance, and her expression returns to an anxious puzzlement.
“What's wrong?”, says Agnes quietly to Malin, as Jessica continues to try to talk to her sister.
“She feels bad about Camilla, we all do really. She's out of danger, apparently, but Elin seems to be trying to persuade herself it's all her fault. Well, hers and yours”, says Malin drily, and loud enough for Elin to hear.
“I know it is”, says Elin, irritated, “I just don't know how, that's all. What did you say, Agnes? 'If she's jealous, whether she knows it or not, she'll be hurting, a lot'...? That sounds about right, to me.”
“Even if she is”, says Agnes gently, “which is quite a big if, that wouldn't exactly make it our fault, Elin.”
Jessica looks up at her, eyebrows raised, and nods slowly. “Listen to her, Elin, if you won't listen to me”, she says, “Camilla's a big girl, you're not her Mama...and who says it was a suicide attempt, anyway? She might just have been trying to get high, or something.”
“On sleeping pills and booze?” says Elin, “nobody's that dumb, not even me. Oh, I don't know! I want to see her, that's all. I want to know she's all right.” But now she sits up straight, and takes a deep breath; kisses Jessica's hand, gives her arm back, and returns Agnes' smile, accepting a drink of her coffee.
“So go after school”, says the sensible Malin, “take a card from all of us, talk to her. Just stop eating yourself up about it, for Heaven's sake.”
“I was thinking about that, too”, says Agnes, “going to visit. Do you think she'd mind, if I went? Is it too soon?”
“She might hate it”, says Jessica, “but she's going to have to get used to you and Elin sometime.”
“And the sooner the better”, adds Malin. They all contribute to a card, and Sabina and Jenny, having finished eating, go out for it. Markus offers the use of his mobile phone to ring the hospital, and Elin makes the call.
Last edited by
DMt. on Fri Dec 16, 2011 9:06 am, edited 4 times in total.
"To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize" - Voltaire