Probably a lot of bullshit

Discuss anything on your mind, with focus on films and music though.

Moderator: Ian

Probably a lot of bullshit

Postby Nemo_Me » Sun Sep 03, 2006 1:52 am

I know this probably seems like a lot of bullshit and 'boohoo, feel so sorry for me' kind of post, I'm not gonna lie, maybe this is that kind of post, I don't know and I'm not here to tell your. I just need to get a LOT of things off my chest that I've been bottling up for a very long time.
But first I'd like to appoligize to all of you that have been reading 'after the O'boy', and especially Kant who was so nice to offer to read it over for me, for me not having turned in a sequel in a very long time. The story is far from being over and I will keep on writing it but lately there have been some reasons for me not writing it.
It's just that I've been kind of low for a while, actualy, I've been very low. I have some reasons for it, but maybe I'm just overreacting to all of them. My mom and my brother keep on fighting, they fight almost every day. I thought I was suppose to be the teenager, I thought I was suppose to be the one slamming doors and screaming that no one understands me. My dad and my brother don't fight a lot because my dad's barely home, he just told me that he might not be home on my birthday, for the second time. But when he comes home he and my brother instantly start fighting to make up for all the time they lost while he was away. I just don't get why they all have to fight all the time, and why they have to scream so loud. I sometimes try hiding under my bed and try ignoring them that way, but sometimes it still gets through. My ipod is broken and my computer has a virus so I can't play any music to ignore it. I'm usually looking forward to go to practice just so I won't have to listen to them. Sit in the bus for hours and count cars.
Most people would go to their friends but unfortunately it seems like I don't have that anymore. I used to have very good friends, they sometimes treated me bad, humiliated me and made fun of me but I guess that's what friends do. It just seems like those cases have gotten more frequent lately. Now usually when I'm with my friends, I'm scared to death to open my mouth, so I usually keep it shut so no one will make fun of me. But I'm a talker so usually I forget the fear and say something, get laughed at or get a pointy comment, and shut up even more scared and embariced. And since I got a boyfriend I've lost too male friends (why, I have no idea, and I really mean that) and now usually when I call my friends and ask them to come hang out they say something like: oh I'm too tired. And later I find out they went to hang with someone else, and that really hurts. I usually decide that I can't take this any longer and I won't let people stump on me like this but in the end I get so very desperately lonely that I call them again and get the same stump on as usual. I had one best friend who wasn't used to doing that but now he's moved to Luxemburg (lucky me).
My boyfriend is all made to help me and I like him a lot. There's just something, he is not the fear of commitment type of person, he is quite the opposite. He's all talking that after a few years we can move in together and all that and he just doesn't quite get that I'm still just a little confused teenage girl. I repeat: I like him a lot but it could anytime, after a year, mounth, tomorow. I won't make any commitments right now, at least until my head stops spinning.
My parents try helping me sometimes too. But they're kind of trying to help me in the wrong way (kind of like Agnes' parents), like when they talk about how I feel about them always fighting with my brother, or when I'm at home they tell me to call my friends and invite them over (they know I'm not popular but my brother has always been popular so I guess they're just lying to themselfs that so am I and therefor unknowingly rubbing salt in the wound).
And on top of that, a wonderful sexuality that I didn't know existed until half a year ago, probably because here people just see others as gay or straight and I'm scared to death to tell anyone about it.
Now that I've spreaded my teenage angst bullshit all over this wonderful paige I'd like to ask people not to give me any shit about this article, I said in the title that this was all probably a lot of bullshit so it's not my faulth that you clicked on this.
Meaning of Nemo. Nemo is a latin word and means nobody. And therefor I will be Nemo forevermore.
I'm an angel, angel of the universe, who doesn't belong.
I keep on hearing tunes, yet no one has turned on the radio.
Nemo_Me
Faithfull Member
 
Posts: 35
Joined: Sun Jan 08, 2006 8:05 pm
Location: Iceland

Postby droopy » Sat Sep 09, 2006 1:06 am

I wish I could help you, but I don't know how. I just realised, that you are girl :) Maybe talking with your parents and brother may help. If your friends make fun of you, stop meeting them. They are not real friends. In recent months I just learned, that there is only one friend I really need - myself. I think, your boyfriend should know that you are not too much in love with him, but I may be wrong. That's my thoughts, and as I am really not much into relationships, I may be totally wrong...
Oh God, I'm still alive!
droopy
Member
 
Posts: 25
Joined: Thu May 13, 2004 2:42 am
Location: Bratislava, Slovakia


Return to Anything else

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 9 guests

cron